What Is Codependency?

This term comes from the co-alcoholic, first described in literature around alcoholism. It initially meant a person who was in a relationship with a dependent person, the "co" of a dependent, and the dependent persons behavior had affected the partner. Over time, this has evolved to describe the behaviors of the codependent, who has become "unwell" as a result of the addictive relationship, or in reaction to the addictive relationship.

Though definitions vary, most clinicians agree that the psychological condition (vs. disease or character defect) of codependence is characterized by compulsively sacrificing your own values, preferences, friends, and identity to avoid upsetting or risking rejection by a special adult or child.

Codependents typically deny or rationalize doing this, or say "I can't help it." Usually both people are wounded survivors of less than nurturing childhoods. The addicted person is focused on his or her substance or behavior, and the codependent is focused, or addicted to the addict. Underlying codependency are attachment injuries and an intimacy disorder.

Useful book are:

• Facing Codependence by Pia Melody
• Codependent No More by Melodie Beatty
• Facing Love Addiction

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