What is sex addiction? Is it really a disease? How is this not just an excuse for men behaving badly? Isn’t this just what men do?
As a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), I hear questions like this every day. With the recent public airing of Tiger Wood’s and Anthony Weiner’s dirty laundry on the airways, the discussions have intensified, yet most remain in the dark about what exactly this behavior, or process addiction is.
Sexual addiction is defined as any sexually-related, compulsive behavior which interferes with normal living and causes severe stress on family, friends, loved ones, and one’s work environment.
Sexual addiction has been called sexual dependency and sexual compulsivity. By any name, it is a compulsive behavior that completely dominates the addict’s life. Sexual addicts make sex a priority more important than family, friends, and work. Sex becomes the organizing principle of addict’s lives. They are willing to sacrifice what they cherish most in order to preserve and continue their unhealthy behavior.
No single behavior pattern defines sexual addiction. These behaviors, when they have taken control of addicts’ lives and become unmanageable, include: compulsive masturbation, compulsive heterosexual and homosexual relationships, pornography, prostitution, exhibitionism, voyeurism, indecent phone calls, child molesting, incest, rape and violence. Even the healthiest forms of human sexual expression can turn into self-defeating behaviors.
Source: SexHelp.com
Working in the trenches with the devastation caused by this addictive disorder on a daily basis, I am clear about what this behavior is. To quote Dr. Patrick Carnes, the foremost expert in the diagnosis and treatment of sex addiction, it is “a pathological relationship with a mood altering behavior”. The word “pathology” is a good starting point, as it helps us understand the chronic, relapsing nature of the disease and it’s symptoms.
A disease has an identifiable course, progression and symptoms, as does sex addiction. These symptoms include:
- There have been unsuccessful attempts to stop the behavior.
- The addict needs more and more of the behavior to feel the same way.
- There have been significant negative consequences for the behavior.
- The behavior progressively gets worse over time.
The pathology is clearly in the symptoms, as these men and women continue to go against their best interests and that of their family. It is as if there are two different people, like their brain had been hijacked. An indeed it has.
This is of course, where the paradox fuels the continued disagreement by those not treating this illness. They have lost the ability to “control” their behavior, and they are responsible for their behavior. Both exist.
In this duality lives the mechanism of the disease, and it could be put this way:
Sex Addiction is primariliy a repression mechanism for unresolved grief, suffering, and loss.
The sex addict struggles to battle a mechanism deep in their brains that triggers the behavioral response that destroys their lives and that of their family.
Unfortunately, people do not seek help until the pain of the behavior outweighs the gain, the gain of repressing or medicating pain. If you or a loved one suspects this disease may be present, give a (CSAT) a call today. A trained
professional can properly test for and assess sex addiction and provide the treatment necessary for the length of time needed to sustain a new and healthy life.
“Like an alcoholic unable to stop drinking, sexual addicts are unable to stop their self-destructive sexual behavior. Family breakups, financial disaster, loss of jobs, and risk to life are the painful themes of their stories.
Sex addicts come from all walks of life – they may be ministers, physicians, homemakers, factory workers, salespersons, secretaries, clerks, accountants, therapists, dentists, politicians, or executives, to name just a few examples.
Most were abused as children – sexually, physically, and/or emotionally. The majority grew up in families in which addiction already flourished, including alcoholism, compulsive eating, and compulsive gambling. Most grapple with other addictions as well, but they find sex addiction the most difficult to stop.
Much hope nevertheless exists for these addicts and their families. Sex addicts have shown an ability to transform a life of self-destruction into a life of self-care, a life in chaos and despair into one of confidence and peace.”
- Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. Author of Out of the Shadows
